Freedom is a difficult concept. We all say we want it, but do we really? I think we all want freedom as long as everybody plays by the rules, but as soon as someone breaks a rule, we're ready to yank our freedoms away. I had an experience with my kids the other which brought this into perspective for me.
All God had to do to teach me little lessons in patience each day was to make me have to pile six children into a mini-van. Due to the space constrictions, it's not too long before somebody has "touched" somebody else, or looked out "their" window, or "breathed" on someone, etc... Sometimes, as was the case the other day,a full on hair-pulling, pinching, pushing fight breaks out and intervention is required.
I was about 1/3 of a mile away from home when one of these occurred so I did the stereotypical thing and pulled that little van right over, got out, came around to the side, yanked the door open and pulled the two offenders out. Then I did the un-stereotypical thing and walked back around the driver's side, got in and started to pull away, just so I could see the looks on their faces. It was totally worth it and allowed me to cool down enough to think about what I was really going to do. I wanted to send a clear message because I was tired of the whole "don't make me pull this car over" routine. I then stopped the van, rolled down the window and told them to start walking. They were going to walk the rest of the way home. They looked at me like I couldn't possibly be serious. I "seriously" rolled the window back up and drove up ahead about 100 yards and waited. It took about a minute for them to realize I wasn't coming back, so they started walking. Every time they got close to the van, I would pull ahead another 50 yards until we reached our street. Since then I have had fewer disruptions because they know they may end up walking again.
My thoughts during this whole thing, however, were centered on who was observing this and wondering why these children were walking by themselves, during the middle of the day, along a busy road, and deciding they should call the police. I was just waiting for CPS to show up when I realized how much we have limited our freedom to parent how we see fit. I wasn't doing anything abusive or dangerous. I was trying to teach my children a lesson by using natural consequences and in a way that, I hoped, would be really effective instead of just more threats. We've become so judgmental and intrusive into everybody's lives that we've forgotten there are many ways to live and parent.
Freedom means allowing some bad things to go on. With freedom comes the possibility of wrong choices and hurtful actions. Obviously I would never want to see a child intentionally hurt or neglected in any way and I would kick the crap out of anybody I saw participating in such an activity, but I'm not ready to live in a "Big Brother" society for the sake of preventing any deviance from the prescribed path. However, I think we've become lulled into this false sense of "freedom" by listening to all the "experts" telling us what to do, think, wear, drive, eat, etc... We need to wake up and reclaim our true freedom before it is too late. If that sounds a little revolutionary, maybe it is.
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4 comments:
Can I just say, I loved this post. First, because I think your walk home is a terrific idea and may give it a try sometime. (We too struggle with the "he's looking at me" syndrome in car rides longer than 5 seconds)
And second because I think you are totally spot on about wanting freedom, but only if we all look, feel and act the same.
We had a similar situation where Kent was trying to get Kade up on the roof to help him fix the swamp cooler. This sounds like a bad idea but Kent knew what he was doing. Kade, who can't stand anything new or different, was freaking out with much weeping and wailing in the driveway in a very Kaden like fashion. I was truly waiting for the police to show up at any minute. They didn't and Kade made it up on the roof as proud as punch that he had done it. It turned out to be a postive, but to outside eyes that don't know the dynamics of our family, I am sure it looked pretty awful.
So how do we reclaim our freedom? Move to Montana? Somedays that sounds awfully nice. I do know that it is not fun to feel like you are swimming against the current, trying to fit in and still be true to yourself.
Hmmm....... This is going to require some more thought.
Sorry for the mega long comment. I get a little fired up about these kinds of things. :)
Love this post!!! :) I can totally picture those poor lil' faces! However reclaiming my freedom is a little on the different side! I have a older child living with me and have to realize that my freedom is to allow him to make his own choices and deal with the outcome. So So hard to do. However it has allowed for me mentally to have somewhat of a 20lb weight lifted off! I think you are a great mother to those kids! And I'm so glad my brother is blessed to have you as a wife! We love you in this interesting family !
I think that was a perfect consequence and will stay with those 2 girls for a long time (and the ones who were still in the car). It is too bad we have to 2nd guess our perfectly innocent actions and the way they "may be percieved" by others. That family who had the boy with cancer and opted to treat him an "unconventional" way and ended up in court defending there right to take care of their son the way they thought was best. I'm glad you had the guts to do something meaningful to the kids. You are a terrific Mom. Love you....
Interesting points on freedom. It makes me think of the idea that we have to experience the bad to appreciate the good or be reminded to be grateful of the good in our life. If we aren't free to make those wrong choices and have the consequences we'd never learn. An important reminder. Love your insights!
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