Jimmy Carter -- Mysologist

Last night I found out I'm a racist. According to former President Jimmy Carter, my objections to out-of-control spending, a government takeover of health care, and a lack of willingness to make a decision about Afghanistan while our soldiers are dying, are not due to my personal convictions and beliefs, but can be boiled down to race. I thank the former President for clarifying my beliefs. Here I had the audacity to believe I was actually thinking for myself -- reading columns, listening to interviews, skimming bills, and forming opinions. Apparently, however, I was wrong. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact I feel like our country is moving in the wrong direction and that I would like my elected representatives to reflect my beliefs. It is nothing more than my DNA reacting to the DNA of somebody else. Thank goodness for people like Jimmy Carter who can so clearly point this out and make sense of it all. Now I don't have to think anymore. I can just go back to shootin' clay pigeons out the back of my pick-up truck, while pregnant with my upteenth child. That certainly wouldn't be a racist thing to do.

Does this also make me a misogynist because I disagree with Nancy Pelosi? Or perhaps I'm misanthropic (the closest word I could find to "hating one's own people) because I disagree with Harry Reid and his policies in the Senate? Since I'm LDS and so is he, maybe that means I hate my own people.

Wow, thank you President Carter. You saved me from a lot of stress and intellectual strain.